On New Year's Eve

Me: "Max, tonight is a special night, it's new year's eve"
Max: "What's that?"
Me: "Well, right now it's 2012, you'll go dodo and when you wake up it will be a new year, 2013"
Max: "Where did the old year go?" (followed quickly by) "who was at my house last night?"
Me: "We had Pat and Liz and baby Chloe, and uncle Sami and uncle Nick"
Max: "And I didn't listen to uncle Nick and Daddy" (which was news to me, he was really very good during our diner party!)

On Being Toilet Trained

Max: "Mommy, look, I'm doing the pipi dance!"
Me (looking at a 3-year old who is indeed dancing around the room): "So you have to go to the bathroom?"
Max: "Yes, tout seul!" (2 seconds later) Mommy! Come help me please!"
Me (going to help him get on the toilet): "Ok, let me know when you are done and need help again"
Max: "Mommy, leave, go outside, it stinks"

On Expressions

Max: "Mommy I am going to eat you all up! Then you'll be in my tummy and I will need to buy a new mommy"
Me: "And who will your new mommy be?"
Max: "Myriam. I will also eat Daddy all up and he'll be in my tummy and I will need to buy a new daddy"
Me: "And who will your new daddy be?"
Max: "Uncle Josh. And then you will eat me all up and I will be in your tummy, and you'll need to buy a new Max"
Me: "Nnooo, I will never buy another Max! There is only one Max for me"

Clearly someone has been telling him they could eat him all up...and he took it literally!

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On the morning of January 9th, 2013:

Both kids woke up at the same time this morning, leaving me somewhat scrambling around the kitchen to prepare both breakfasts at the same time

Max: "Mommy, I'm hungry"
Me: "Yes Max, honey, I know, but I am, just one person and I am trying to get both of your breakfasts prepared"
Max: "We are more than just one person. We are Maxim person and Brooklyn person and Daddy person and Mommy person"
Me: "Very true Max! How many people is that? Let's count"
Max: "One, two, three, four!"
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On January 11th, 2013:

Pat (seeing Max struggle to open a baggie): "Max, would you like me to give you a hand with that?"
Max: "Yes, Daddy, give me your hand" (Max then proceeded to physically take Pat's hand to help open the baggie!)

Stupid Stuff my Husband Does and Says

I would like to preface this section by saying that it is entirely my husband's idea that I start blogging all of the stupid sh*t he does and says. After a particularly funny episode (to be described below) my husband asked me if I had already blogged and/or tweeted about it, to which I responded that I only blog about funny things our three-year old does and says. His reaction to that? To respond that I would get many more views on my blog if I did write about the funny things he does and says. So, with his blessing and pretty much carte blanche to write about his doings to my heart's content, here goes!
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My husband and I have a division of labour; he tends to our son's nighttime routine (bath, snack, story, bed) and I tend to our six-month old daughter's (bath, feed, bed). Because I am home on maternity leave right now, however, it is often I who tend to our son's morning routine (breakfast, dress, out-the-door).

I should also mention that our son has been completely toilet trained since age 2, with the excepton of nighttime as he is a kid who likes to drink a lot of water, so we put a pull-up on him for overnight only.
Yesterday morning, after my husband had left for work and I was helping Max dress for the day, here is what I discovered:

Me: "What the heck...Max, you're wearing a diaper!"
Max: ???? (no real response)
Me (calling my husband): "Pat, you put one of Brooklyn's overnight diapers on Max last night, instead of one of his pull-ups, did you not realize??"
Pat: "I thought it was a bit weird, and Max even had to help me put it on as it kept popping off..."
(At which point we are both laughing uncontrollably)
Pat: "Oh no, have you already blogged and tweeted about this?"

...and you all know the rest; no I hadn't, but now I have and will continue to do so whenever my beloved does such ridiculous/funny/stupid stuff!

On Time-Outs

Exchange between Max and his seven-year old cousin Julianne

Me ( after Max pretend spit in his uncle's face): "Max, we do not spit, especially not in people's faces. I'm putting you in a time-out"
Max (going into office for time-out): "Mommy! I'm ready to come out now!"
Me: "Have you thought about you did and are you ready to appologize to your uncle?"
Max: "No"
Me: "Well then you are staying in your time out until you are ready to do so"

At this point Julianne takes over:

Juju: "Alyssa, est-ce que je peux aller parlée à Maxim et lui expliquer ce qu'il n'a pas bien fait?"
Me: "Oui Juju"
(Julianne going into office and having a private, serious chat with Max)
Juju (coming out of office with Max in hand): "Ok, il est pret à s'excuser, et s'il ne le fait pas, je sais que je lui remet en punition pour qu'il puisse comprendre la consequence"
(Max, in front of his uncle, not appoligizing)
Juju: "Ok, je le remet en punition"

She did this until Max appologized. Every time they came out of the office, it was hand-in-hand, both very serious. It was all us adults could do not to burst out laughing every time, but she was successful in making Max understand his actions.

When can she start babysitting??

On Christmas

Relevant things Max said during Christmas:

Max (first thing in the morning): ''Merry Christmas everyone! Merry Channukah!"

Max: "I just saw a little reindeer in the house Mommy! He had really big panache!"

Irrelevant, random things heard during Christmas lunch

Max: "Mommy, I have ear wax. Do you have ear wax? Daddy!! (yelling across the room) Do you have ear wax??"

On Christmas Eve

After reading "The Night Before Christmas" Max burst into tears

Me: "Max, why are you crying?"
Max: "There won't be any presents for me!"
Me: "Yes there will be Max! Why are you saying that?"
Max: "Because Santa's bag is empty now!"

After I calmed him down from that episode and dressed him in his Christmas finery for our Xmas Eve party (including a tie and button down shirt) he went downstair while I got ready

Max (seeing me coming down the stairs): "Wow Mommy, nice tshirt!" (said of my Micheal Kors sleeveless camisole)
Me (melting, because how frigging cute is that??): "Ahh thank you Max! Big kisses for my grown up, sweet, boy" 

Interesting Questions

Max (on the toilet): "Mommy, where does my pipi and caca go?"
Me: "Down the pipes"
Max: "But where does it go after that?"
Me: :Ask Daddy, Max"

On Being Sick

Me (with the nose pump): "Max, I have to use this on your nose"
Max: "Ok Mommy (after I have done one nostril) don't forget my other nose!"

On the Bilingual way he is Being Raised

Grandpapa: "Tank you Max"
Max: "No grandpapa, it's not 'tank you', it's 'thank you'"

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Dec 23rd:

Max: "Can I goute it please?" (in refrence to Brooklyn's baby cracker)

On Not Sleeping

Mommy (at 5:40 am): "Max, you need to sleep"
Max: "No, I don't. Snakes don't need to sleep"
Mommy: "You aren't a snake. You are a human boy who needs sleep in order to grow"
Max: "Noooo"
Result: Check the timestamp on this post- Max and I have been up for over an hour...Obviously he won, I was mistaken, he is a snake

On Being Mature

Max (with cup of milk): "Cheers!"
Mommy (with cup of coffee): "Cheers!"
Max: Happy Channukah! Get money for chocolate on Channukah!"
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Getting ready for a Christmas gathering, Dec 22nd, 2012

Me: "Max, do you want to come help Mommy chose what to wear and get dressed yourself?"
Max: "I'm busy Mommy"
Me: "Ok, well when you are done, where do you want to get dressed?"
Max: "Umm...in your closet!"

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Dec 27th

Max: "Mommy, you smell like roses"

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Jan 1st. 2013

Max (big sigh): "Today, was a long, hard day"

On Being a Big Brother

Brooklyn: (crying)
Max: "It's ok Brooklyn! Fire chief Maxim is here to rescue you!!"

OR

Max: "It's ok Brooklyn, Mommy will be here soon. Mommy!! Brooklyn is upset!"

AND THE BEST:

Max (holding Brooklyn's hand): "Brooklyn, I love you"

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Dec 21st, 2012:

Max (on the phone to me) "I want to say hello to Brooklyn"
Me: "Ok, I'll put the phone on speaker"
Max: "Hello Brooklyn!"
Max (to me): "Why didn't Brooklyn say 'hello' to me?"
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All things that he said today, Dec 23rd:

Max: "Mommy! Brooklyn spit out!" (said twice, both times totally true)
Max: "Mommy! Brooklyn did a caca!" (also true)
Max (while I was aways and Brooklyn was napping) "Daddy, Brooklyn is awake!"
Pat (at the end of the day): "Max, maybe you should just take care of Brooklyn from now on"

On Winter

Max: "Mommy, I cleaned all of that snow outside so that you can parc your car"

Max: "Is it winter yet?" (asked on Dec 17th)

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Dec 21st

Me: "Max, I heard you shovelled snow with grandma"
Max: "Yeesss, I am a ggreeeat helper! Yes sir..."

On religion

Pat: "Oh Jesus"
Max: "Qui sa Jesus?"

Back from Disney

Over the coming days I am sure I will add more to this post as my son continues to delight me with stories of his time at the most magical place on earth. For now, let me just say that the number of times he has kissed his little sister and told her he loves her since being home warms a mother's heart many times over.

Max (spontaneously, while dancing around the room): "I'm the Prince and my sister is the Princess!"

Max: "Mommy, est-ce que Brooklyn grew up while I was at Disney?"
Me: "Yes, she's a little bit older now"
Max" "But she's still a little baby?"
Me: "Yes, Max, she is"
Max: "Does Brooklyn love me?"
Me (dying at this point): "OMG yes Max, she loves you so much!!"

On being Jewish

Channukah
Me: "Max, we are going to light the menorah- that's one candle for each night of Channukah"
Max: "I want to blow them out, like a birthday cake?"
Me: "No, we let these ones burn down on their own"
Max (3.5 seconds later): "Oh it takes so long...."

Explaining to Max that we are Jewish
Me: "Max, did you know that just like Caillou's friend, we are Jewish as well?"
Max: "I want to go to Jewish"
Me: "No sweetheart, it's not a place..."

On Disney World

Max (from DW): "Mommy, are you coming to the hotel tonight?"
Me (from home): "No sweatheart, not this time, but next time I promise"
Max: "Ok. Why aren't you sleeping next to Daddy?"
Me: "Um, well, because you are"
Max: "Oh, yeah! (laughing)

On Disney World

Max: "Mommy I had breakfast with all of my friends this morning! Mickey and Pluto and Donald and Daisy"
Me: "What are you going to do today?"
Max: "Dig in the sand at the hotel"